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Testimonials


"I have BPD and I had absolutely no hope for myself until I listened A.J. Mahari's Audio, Finding Hope From the Polarized Negativity of BPD. This and a few other audios I listened to taught me so much. I now have hope. I now understand how I have kept myself trapped in my own borderline chaos as a way of not feeling my pain. I can now change this. I highly recommend others with BPD listen to A.J.'s Audios for Borderlines."

-- Lindy Sinclair, U.S.A.

"I totally recommend that anyone who wants to really understand BPD buy A.J. Mahari's ebooks and audio programs. Along with all her stuff on the web they are even more insightful and informative. After purchasing A.J.'s products I did some life coaching with her too. A.J. doesn't just write about BPD, she has lived it. She has lived both sides of it. She is an amazing life coach too. With A.J.'s support I am making my way through the pain and grief of having loved someone with BPD and coming to terms with the reasons for the relationship and my need to let go."

-- Rick Meyers, Scotland

"I just wanted to let you know, A.J., how helpful your ebooks and audio programs have been to me. Thanks for all the hard work you do and for putting yourself and your own painful experience out there as gifts to those still trying to find their own way."

-- Donald S., U.S.A.

Tough Love and BPD Video - Loved ones of BPD Part 2

Tough Love and BPD Video - Loved ones of BPD Part 2

Price: $9.99

Tough Love and BPD - Loved ones of BPD Part 2 of 2

In part two of her Video Lecture on Tough Love for loved ones of those with Borderline Personality Disorder, A.J. Mahari talksa about how and when tough love can be applied in coping with someone with BPD in your life.

Mahari talks about her experience as a life coach and the common questions asked by loved ones that often can be addressed in and through the application of tough love in looking at each situation individually. She also speaks to the dilemma of what is referred to as a "lack of emotional skin" in those with BPD and what that does or doesn't mean with tough love.

Mahari looks at the importance of middle-ground tough love given that those with BPD will often react strongly and intensely to what could be considered enabling, too much empathy or compassion or a lack of boundaries or how many view tough love as being the opposite of empathy and compassion and everything undertaken in rescuer-mode. The reactivity of those with BPD calls for this middle-ground tough love that is applied with the understanding that the reactions to said are the responsibility of those with BPD and cannot be modulated or controlled in any way by the loved ones, or even life coaches or therapists of those with BPD.

Mahari points out that loved ones of those with BPD cannot give the borderline in their lives the container of self that the person with BPD so needs in order to create the kind of changes that make recovery and healthier relating possible. Many loved ones believe that by not enforcing boundaries they can help the person with BPD but really this is just allowing yourself to be the "self" that the borderline continues to try to live through. Mahari stresses that this does not help the borderline or his or her loved one.

Mahari also shares her own experience of being on the receiving end of tough love and how that was central to her recovery from BPD. In her exploration of tough love for loved ones of those with BPD A.J. Mahari also focuses on expectations generally, and of love as well and the importance of not enabling, not rescuing, while still being able to cope with caring.

© A.J. Mahari, March 2009

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Quotes From A.J. Mahari


"Are you confused? Are you in pain? Do you find yourself overly-focused on the person with BPD? Are you trying to make sense out of the borderline's shifting moods or contradictory behaviour? I have been there. I know what it takes to break free on the other side of BPD. Breaking free from the BPD maze means getting back in touch and in tune with yourself."

-- A.J. Mahari in her Audio Program, "Breaking Free From The BPD Maze - Recovery For Non Borderlines"

"The inner child in those with BPD, due to the pain that borderlines have abandoned, may well feel overly controlled, abandoned, silenced, and neglected. The borderline's inner child is in tremendous pain and it is also the gateway to the lost self of the borderline."

-- A.J. Mahari in her Audio Program, "From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD - Getting in Touch With the Inner Child"

"What is in the way - is the way. If you have Borderline Personality Disorder it is the fundamental absence of a known self that sits at the very core of your pain, anger, and your rage. It is your rage that stands between your borderline pain and suffering and your recovery. Your lack of a known and defined self is what is in your way."

-- A.J. Mahari in her Ebook, "Rage And BPD"